Time to talk?

Recently it seems that there are more and more articles in the news of parents murdering their child/children and then sometimes committing suicide themselves.  I find it extremely heart breaking that people are feeling that lost, overwhelmed, troubled or however you would like to describe it that they feel this is their best option.  A lot of the stories I have seen recently the children have special needs and sometimes one or more of the parents also have health challenges, I totally understand life can be hard, parenting can be hard, parenting a child with special needs can be hard but murder and/or suicide are not the answer.  

In this article  it appears that the mother in question, suffering from a terminal form of cancer, felt she was the only one capable of looking after her daughter.  When she no longer felt she had the health to care for her daughter she murdered her and then died herself leaving the rest of the family to greive the loss of both of these women.  We as parents need to remember that we are not the only one capable or willing to care for our child or children no matter what their challenge is.  It is very true that some children require more support than others but believe me there is always someone willing and able to do what you and I do.  

Another story tells of a mother that may have had mental health challenges or was just completely overwhelmed with the stress of raising a special needs child, being married to man with increasing disabilities and a recent blow to the family budget.  Did this women reach out?  Did anyone notice her struggling?  Could the death of this child have been prevented? 

I would like to encourage everyone to look out for your friends and family.  Be there for them to lean on if they seem to be struggling and encourage them to seek help if life seems more than they can bare. Don't judge, just support, the way each of us handles stress will be different and it doesn't matter as long as we all feel loved and supported.  Some people are affected by stress more than others and what you may think is nothing could be huge for someone else.  

If you are struggling, overwhelmed, feeling lost or hopeless please reach out and get help!  Murder and/or suicide are not the answer. Talk to your doctor, talk to a family member or friend, contact your local mental health clinic, talk to anyone willing to help, if the first person you speak to doesn't help find someone else and keep talking.  Seek a safe place for your child/children until you have recieved help and you feel that you can carry on.  Maybe you need a small break in the form of respite or maybe parenting is just to much for you, that is okay. Ask a friend or family member to care for your child, go to child protective services, just find someone to care for your child until you are able to carry on.  There is no shame in admiting you need help and then getting the help you need! 

Am I crazy to make a New Years Resolution?

It's the time of year when many of us are thinking about New Years Resolutions, part of me is thinking I should make a resolution and the other part of me thinks why would I want to add anymore to my already overflowing plate.  As a parent with children....lots of children....special needs children....lots of special needs children, life can be crazy and adding anything needs careful consideration.

As crazy as life as a special needs parent can be it is extremely important to care for ourselves both mentally and physically since we are particularly vulnerable to burnout and caregiver fatigue.  Keeping myself healthy - mentally and physically - is an important resolution to take on at the start of the year and throughout and I encourage other parents to also consider taking on a similar resolution.

What should my resolution (and yours) look like?

Taking time for myself and my husband - If we don't have ourselves and our relationship one of us is going to be left trying to cope with everything alone.  For the last couple years hubby and I have made a point of hiring our respite worker once a week for a couple hours so we can have a "date night".  I will admit that there have been times when we are both so exhausted that we have thought about crawling into our travel trailer for a nap while she watches the children and other dates have included doing errands however most of the dates have been spending time with one another.  We also make a point of spelling each other off at other times so that we can pursue things important to each of us as individuals.

Recognizing what I have accomplished each day not what I haven't got done.  Life with all these children can be unpredictable so although I may have many things on my never ending to do list, some days just don't go as planned.  This doesn't mean I haven't accomplished anything, it's just different than what was planned.  Things that are really important I try to do first thing in the morning before chaos breaks loose or when I have someone available to help with the unpredictable parts.

Making time to enjoy life.  With so much going on it is easy to get wrapped up in the business and miss the enjoyment.  Life isn't a race to the end we need to take time and enjoy it.  Schedule time and seize even the smallest moments making sure to take time to play, enjoy nature and have fun.

Ask for help.  Recognizing that we don't have to do it all and that we can ask for help is huge.  Many people that are caregivers feel more comfortable helping others and asking for or hiring help is difficult.  For us we started looking at what services different businesses that us use have to offer.  For starters we were able to get our grocery produce delivered, started doing more of our shopping online, our home school education assistants were able to help at the kids lessons, and started making use of respite services in more creative ways.

Help yourself by resolving to care for yourself and enjoy the moments.