Successful summer barbecue's and children with special needs

We recently attended a multi family barbecue, these types of events can be challenging when you have kids with social and behavioural challenges.  At this barbecue the adults were expected to sit and visit while the kids ran around and played.  The majority of children at this event appeared to function typically which could have made our socially challenged children stand out even more if we didn't do some pre-planning before the event.
              Family and Friends Barbecue Time!

For this particular event we brought chalk, bubbles and a couple soccer balls knowing that there wasn't going to be any activities for the children other than running around and hanging out.  Play that is unstructured breeds trouble for some of our children with social and behavioural challenges.  By planning ahead of time and bringing some activities this gave our children a more structured activity, that appeared appropriate and was open enough to draw the other children at the event to join in.

We also had a couple of our higher functioning adult children attend with us and they had agreed ahead of time to take turns with us overseeing the younger children.  When overseeing the children, as their challenges are severe and ages young, we will play with them, encouraging others to join in.  When the game or activity is underway, we (the adult) will take a break, as the game continues and our children are given chances to interact still in a supported manner. Having 4 adults present to oversee the 10 that struggle we were able to take turns mingling with the adults and enjoy the barbecue.  If we did not have adult children available we would have hired a babysitter to attend with us, so we as adults can enjoy the event also.

As nothing brings out bad behaviour like a "starved" child, that can't find any food on the table that they are comfortable with,  we always feed them prior to arriving at the barbecue.  By feeding them before arriving, they are better able to wait for the food to be served and for their turn in line.  Also as this was a potluck event we brought an item that our children enjoy eating and made sure that we brought enough for others to enjoy also.

Before arriving we also told the children that we wouldn't be staying that late as we needed to stop at the store.  The "stop" was a pre planned exit strategy should any behaviours get out of hand and it was also a preventative measure shortening the stay for success.  We find having short stays that the children have a better chance at success and it is much more enjoyable leaving early, than leaving with someone kicking and screaming.

All that matters is "they had fun"

The weather has been scorching hot here and in a quest to keep cool we headed off to the lake.  At our local park there are mini private beaches all along the shore line which is the perfect solution for us.  It probably took us longer to get ready to go, than we were actually able to stay, before the screaming melt downs started. We arrived at the beach and loaded the babies into the stroller, grabbed our towels, swimsuits, lifejackets and cooler packed with our lunch so we can find our "private beach".

As soon as we arrive at the beach we all eat our lunch which is not your typical picnic as we have many dietary needs. One child is on a Ketogenic diet for seizure control that must also be pureed due to swallowing issues and the "babies" (2 and 4 years old) require pureed food also.  Then there are the other 3 kids with swallowing challenges that are at a "soft chewable" level of eating plus a few of us that can eat a typical meal.  While enjoying our lunch I make a point of taking a couple pictures while everyone is happy.  After lunch the plan is to play in the water so everyone needs to change into swim wear.  The 10 year old is able to put on her own swimsuit with a few directions and the teens already had their swimsuits on.  Time to change the more dependent children - how is it possible that all 6 in diapers have soiled themselves in the 30 minutes since leaving the vehicle.  Diapers changed, swimsuits on and then their sensory issues make it that they do not want to go in the water.  The 4 year old starts screaming and throwing things for no apparent reason.  The 6 year old wearing his swim shorts without a diaper pees himself and starts screaming that he is wet (and doesn't understand how he got wet).  The 8 year old has a seizure, even with the diet and medication, (the extreme heat brings on seizures for her) that scares her and she starts crying.  3 are crying so 2 more quickly join in because they feel that's the thing to do.  Time for this beach excursion to end, we pack up quickly and get home before all heck breaks loose.

  Dad gets home from work 1 hour later and the kids excitedly tell him how much fun they had at the beach.  It is amazing their perspective on the day, it makes the effort worthwhile.  They don't remember the peed pants, the not wanting to go into the water, the seizures, the crying or the fact we were there less than a hour.  They remember going to the lake and it was fun.  Fortunately the pictures also show we were at the beach and everyone was happy.