Recently one child had to have an ultra sound of her bladder and kidneys the technician requested she empty her bladder, this is something that she does not yet have control of. Instead of the health care professional accepting that this is our daughters reality she goes into a long rant as to how they are able to retrain stroke victims to control their bladders so why haven't we taught our daughter. Even after explaining that our daughter also doesn't have the cognitive ability to be trained this way the technician could not or would not let this go.
Therapies are another issue of great concern to the people in our life. We get the "if only you took them to more therapy they could overcome their challenges" and we also get the opposite "your child (children) need time to be kids, they would make far more progress if you just stopped all the therapy". The reality is I would love it if they didn't require therapy but they do and we are having it provided for them hoping for positive results.
As parents we also get blamed for their various challenges and I know we aren't the only ones who get this, many parents get blamed for causing their child's conditions. It's because you didn't do ____ correctly or if only you did ____ differently.
When it's been a particularly long day...week... month... it can be difficult too hear the words of a well intended person without replying in a nasty way. Sometimes I need to pause and consider where their advice is coming from and are they trying to be helpful or are they just being nasty? Is there anything I can learn from the information they are sharing? I also need to remind myself, especially on the stressful days, that they have a right to their opinion EVEN IF THEY ARE CLUELESS. I also need to remind myself too speak to others how I would like to be treated because others also have exhausting and stressful days. We need to give each other a break and keep our unsolicited opinions and advice to ourselves. Telling people that everything they do is wrong or their fault doesn't benefit anyone. Offering to help or simply acknowleding the effort a parent puts in would be so much more beneficial. I would like to start by acknowledging all of you hard working parents "thank you for everything you do for your child (children)".
Even when I'm asked for advice, I try to answer in terms of "what worked for us was...". As you say, I can't possibly know another mother's reality any more than she can know mine. I can't imagine how frustrated you must have been with the ultrasound tech!!! Sounds like someone who doesn't belong in a medical field. :( Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.
ReplyDeleteYes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but like you mention here, most of the time their opinion should be kept to themselves. As far as all the contradictory advice on therapies and what we should be doing for our kids...I very often feel as if I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't! Anyway, happy Mother's Day to you!!
ReplyDeleteThis was spot on for me!! The unfortunate thing is, I always feel like if they can blame us for our kids issues, then no real help will be forthcoming. For instance, some of my kids have never had typical reactions to psychiatric meds. If something is supposed to have a sedating effect, it often doesn't or it might even keep them up all night. The Dr. decides that it either didn't really happen like that or we gave the med incorrectly because that's not the effect it "should have" had. Very frustrating.
ReplyDeleteI used to take the comments very personally. I probably am still too sensitive about the judgement and apparent dismissal of all our efforts to help our kids. I keep reminding myself that none of these people have any investment in the outcome of our kids lives. People pass thru our lives - therapists, dr's, teachers, etc. - they are all here for the moment, and then they change jobs or move on in some other way. WE are the ones who are there day in and out. WE care about the ultimate outcome of our kids' lives and make the best decisions we can to ensure they have the best care possible.
THANK YOU for everything you do for your kiddos!!