Life with friends is hard...a life without friends is tragic

Friendships can be difficult, for some our our children with special needs it can seem almost impossible.  Our children with special needs have unique barriers that make building friendships extremely hard.  As a parent it is our job to teach our children how to interact with others and having meaningful relationships.  It is also important for us to understand what we think a friendship.relationship should look like may not be the same as what our children need.

A few of my children have a very difficult time with relationships so we need to step in and assist them in learning these skills.

In order to make friends you need to be around people.  This can be a challenge if the majority of your child's time is spent at medical and therapy appointments.  It takes added effort ensuring your child has the time and opportunity to make friends.

Your child needs to be able to communicate with people to make friends.  Depending on your child's challenges this can be difficult, we have children with severe speech challenges so it has been important to give them the skills to communicate.  Our children use augmentative communication as a form of communicating but they need to feel confident with this method to communicate with peers.  Other children in our family have autism so role playing has been helpful in building communication skills.

The social skills of your child should be comparable to their potential friends.  Many children with special needs also have challenges with their social skills so it is important to work on these skills to broaden their friend pool.  We have used the Michelle Garcia, Social Thinking program to help teach our children these skills and have had them participate in social skills groups.  Being involved in activities and social situations also builds up these skills.

Your child's interests and physical abilities should be similar to their friends.  The 10 year old's in our neighborhood spend a lot of time outside riding bicycles and climbing trees, our daughter does not have the ability or strength for this which leaves her out.  Our 19 year old stills enjoys playing with dolls and the majority of her peers are going to college or out working.  When the interests and abilities are limited it may mean pushing the child and/or finding others with similar limitations. We had the children join some activities that helped match the abilities - for example our younger daughter joined a first aid group where they were all learning new skills and our older daughter joined Special Olympics which put them both in situations to meet potential friends.

The skills of being and making friends are just as important as walking, dressing and personal care so take the time to support your child in learning this valuable skill.

On their own track....Childhood development

This weekend we had the privilege of caring for our granddaughter while her parents had some time to themselves.  We all had a great time playing, cuddling and interacting with her on her visit.  Her many Aunts and Uncles from our family are always excited to play with her when she visits.  Her 2 year old uncle is always extremely attentive to her every need when she is around and you can just see that when she is a bit more mobile the 2 of them will be into so much mischief together.

Our granddaughter is 8 months old and appears to be developing on track.  Raising many children with intellectual and developmental disabilities it is important to be around children that are developing typically.  Each child should progress according to their own abilities, and each step is a cause for celebration however it is helpful knowing which ability is delayed and which ones typically happen next.  Knowing and refreshing yourself with typical milestones is beneficial so when you speak with medical professionals and therapists you can gain support for your child.  Sometimes, not with my granddaughter because she is "perfect" but with "other" peoples kids you will see typical developmental behaviours that make you happy that your child hasn't yet met that milestone.  You know the ones - whining, tantrums, defiance, teenage aghast, etc.

It is important to identify developmental delays early so that treatment can minimize the effects of the problem.  In our family with many children with significant delays our 2 year old appears miles ahead of his siblings however when with other peers you can see he also has fairly significant delays.  If we did not keep current with what is typical development this could have been easily over looked.

Learning the stages of childhood development helps you respond to your child better and you can arrange your child's environment in a way to promote further development.  For some of our children we have had to "baby proof" their environment but this had to be more extreme because of their age and size.  A 18 year old functioning as a 2 year old still needs a safe environment however they can get into a whole lot more than a 2 year old that is only 2 1/2 feet tall.

It is helpful knowing where your child's development is in comparison to their age so that you are gently pushing for more but not expecting way more than they are capable of.  A 19 year old typically is capable of being left home alone but if that 19 year old is functioning at a 6 year old level you wouldn't leave them home alone.

Every child is different and will develop at their own pace however it is important that they do pass through the various stages.  Keep informed what is typical, where your child is functioning and how to encourage further development.  Don't forget to seek help from medical professionals and therapists.