How do you deal with people in your life with grandiose ideas that don't come close to reality? Today we will continue with singing lessons because they both enjoy singing and that is reason enough to continue.
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
One persons dream can be another persons (or cats) nightmare!
Oh why do I torture us, one of our daughters has visions of herself being a professional singer/song writer and another daughter has been in one theater production and would like to continue with other productions which has resulted in them both being signed up for voice lessons. Both girls are beyond excited about their singing lessons with the oldest (our wanna be singer/song writer) telling everyone "she can't believe it, this is the best day of her life and her dream is finally coming true". One of the challenges we face with this daughter is her lack of insight to her abilities, this girl can't sing.....at all. When she sings at home the cats run from the room, then avoid her for days and while I was waiting for them at their first lessons all the neighbourhood dogs were howling. I know many people can't sing, myself included, but most people realize the fact they aren't skilled in a particular area and don't plan their life goals around said activity.
When looking for a teacher we needed someone skilled at working with individuals with special needs, encouraging but able to set realistic goals and skilled in voice training. It is extremely hard working with someone that has such grand visions for them self. If friends or family say anything about her lack of ability she gets upset, cries and tantrums because she feels everyone should be encouraging and how could they possibly be that rude. We have recorded her singing and played it back hoping she might "hear" what we "hear" but that hasn't worked. Frequently we have general discussions how sometimes we have hobbies because we enjoy doing a particular activity, also just because we enjoy doing something doesn't mean we have the skills to do it as a career. We have also tried the approach of having her consider her friends and asking what type of careers they have? As they don't have careers (most are in day programs like her) would they still be as close of friends if she went of and became a famous singer.
How do you deal with people in your life with grandiose ideas that don't come close to reality? Today we will continue with singing lessons because they both enjoy singing and that is reason enough to continue.
How do you deal with people in your life with grandiose ideas that don't come close to reality? Today we will continue with singing lessons because they both enjoy singing and that is reason enough to continue.
Monday, 21 September 2015
Crooked Teeth - Paying it Forward
With a family as large as ours, comes the increased need for orthodontic treatment. Most recently our 11 year old with an extreme overbite is in need of dental treatment. Braces are expensive and for a large family, with multiple mouths of crooked teeth, the costs can really add up.
A family member was telling us about their dentist, how as a child he had extremely crooked teeth, his family struggled financially and were unable to afford orthodontic treatment. As a young boy his neighbour, an orthodontist, corrected his teeth at no cost hoping he would "pay it forward" when he was able. He eventually went on to dental school and then took additional courses in orthodontics. As a dentist he is now able to help clients with their orthodontics while running his dental practice.
For us the benefits are:
- a dentists rates are less expensive than an orthodontists rates
- some of the fees charged by the dentist can be billed to insurance coverage for dental care even though we don't have orthodontic coverage
- 4 kids (and counting) that had very crooked teeth now have beautiful smiles
The 11 year old in question should have straightened teeth within a year, the cost should be no more than $600 and the payments are payable as treatment occurs.
Having looked around for options it is my understanding that there are many dentists out there that can help with crooked teeth, whether it's removing teeth due to extreme crowding or doing orthodontics. Another option if you are fortunate to live near a dental college, is getting treatment at the college. All these students need mouths to practice on, are supervised by licenced professionals and charge a reduced rate. Orthodontic insurance is also another helpful way of reducing costs if you are fortunate enough to have this benefit.
What have you done to help afford the cost of orthodontics?
A family member was telling us about their dentist, how as a child he had extremely crooked teeth, his family struggled financially and were unable to afford orthodontic treatment. As a young boy his neighbour, an orthodontist, corrected his teeth at no cost hoping he would "pay it forward" when he was able. He eventually went on to dental school and then took additional courses in orthodontics. As a dentist he is now able to help clients with their orthodontics while running his dental practice.
For us the benefits are:
- a dentists rates are less expensive than an orthodontists rates
- some of the fees charged by the dentist can be billed to insurance coverage for dental care even though we don't have orthodontic coverage
- 4 kids (and counting) that had very crooked teeth now have beautiful smiles
The 11 year old in question should have straightened teeth within a year, the cost should be no more than $600 and the payments are payable as treatment occurs.
Having looked around for options it is my understanding that there are many dentists out there that can help with crooked teeth, whether it's removing teeth due to extreme crowding or doing orthodontics. Another option if you are fortunate to live near a dental college, is getting treatment at the college. All these students need mouths to practice on, are supervised by licenced professionals and charge a reduced rate. Orthodontic insurance is also another helpful way of reducing costs if you are fortunate enough to have this benefit.
What have you done to help afford the cost of orthodontics?
Friday, 18 September 2015
The missing piece
As another year of homeschooling starts we take the time to discuss plans, hopes and dreams with each child. We haven't always been a homeschool family and want to ensure that this method of schooling is working for each child. This year 2 of the teens are taking a combination of "face 2 face" classes and homeschooling. One of our teens came "home" for school 3 years ago after struggling with bullying, extreme anxiety and academic challenges. When we were considering whether or not homeschooling was a good option or not, we feared that her anxiety and ability to handle social situations may worsen if she wasn't exposed to social situations. It is a common myth that home schooled children aren't exposed to enough social situations and therefore struggle socially. For this particular teen homeschooling was the key to overcoming many of her challenges. With the help of an education assistant at home and "face 2 face" classes her academic challenges are being worked on (at public school she qualified for an education assistant but the school reassigned the assistant). Working at home and in small classes (5-8 students) has reduced the anxiety and bullying, giving time for confidence to be developed. The reduced anxiety has also freed up energy so she can more actively participate in youth activities. In the last year she has successfully taken on leadership roles at St John Ambulance as team captain for various competitions and leadership roles at Air Cadets.
As parents we were happy with the progress being made and our teen is happy with the homeschool option. There is only one thing that she wished she could change, she missed the idea of being on a high school sports team. Her older siblings had been on school teams and watching them she envisioned herself doing the same. We looked for recreational teams in the area to no avail but after contacting a local private school we were able to have her join their school team. Volleyball practice started on Wednesday and our teen is beyond excited. At practice she also met up with a couple other homeschoolers that had the same goal of playing on a team.
As parents we were happy with the progress being made and our teen is happy with the homeschool option. There is only one thing that she wished she could change, she missed the idea of being on a high school sports team. Her older siblings had been on school teams and watching them she envisioned herself doing the same. We looked for recreational teams in the area to no avail but after contacting a local private school we were able to have her join their school team. Volleyball practice started on Wednesday and our teen is beyond excited. At practice she also met up with a couple other homeschoolers that had the same goal of playing on a team.
Thursday, 10 September 2015
Busted...Wardrobe Malfunctions
Some things you expect will improve with age, ones that you take for granted like knowing whether or not a piece of clothing fits. For one of our adults this has been an ongoing struggle and today's clothing issues are with undergarments. The last bra was purchased independently and there have been increasing wardrobe malfunctions - you know the type were younger siblings are forever scarred when the older sisters exposed body part escapes. Something needed to be done and fast.
We started with the shirt being removed and some measurements being taken. When we got to this layer it was know wonder so many people have been scarred, the straps were loosened as much as possible and just draped over her shoulders and the cups were hanging next to the breasts like curtains waiting to be drawn....the bra definitely did not fit!!! After taking some measurements and contacting some large busted friends it was determined a specialty store would be required. As the bra fit was so far off I felt the panties probably had the same issue. Being there was no way I wanted to expose myself to that fright I felt it would be best to trust the tape measure and measure over the pants. It was confirmed that the panties must have been hanging on by a thread, literally, as the new ones purchased were 4 sizes larger than the ones currently being worn.
We were at the store for 2 hours learning how to put on a bra and determining the best fitting one. I picked out 3 possibilities to start and had our young lady go into the fitting room to try one on and then call me. The first one was done up to the loosest size leaving enough room for another person and twisted on an angle so only one breast was contained. Lessons on how to wear a bra....something she has been doing for 8 years and then time to try on the next one. This time the bottom band was tight but it was across the breasts making it appear that she now had four boobs. More lessons and the process continued for 2 long excurciating hours. The younger sister that came with us was laughing and rolling her eyes discretely, so her sister didn't notice. The sales clerk kept asking if we needed assistance, explaining they have dealt with customers with similar challenges but I do think we may have been their entertainment also.
We finally escaped the bra store and we are still continuing with the lessons on how to wear the new items. We have been trying to have her dress in front of a mirror and hopefully observing how things look. She has been given picture cues for how to wear a bra and we go through the steps daily (in front of the mirror) hopefully in the next 8 years this will be mastered. The fortunate part is we haven't had any wardrobe malfunctions since the purchase of the new undergarments and no scares to the siblings.
We started with the shirt being removed and some measurements being taken. When we got to this layer it was know wonder so many people have been scarred, the straps were loosened as much as possible and just draped over her shoulders and the cups were hanging next to the breasts like curtains waiting to be drawn....the bra definitely did not fit!!! After taking some measurements and contacting some large busted friends it was determined a specialty store would be required. As the bra fit was so far off I felt the panties probably had the same issue. Being there was no way I wanted to expose myself to that fright I felt it would be best to trust the tape measure and measure over the pants. It was confirmed that the panties must have been hanging on by a thread, literally, as the new ones purchased were 4 sizes larger than the ones currently being worn.
We were at the store for 2 hours learning how to put on a bra and determining the best fitting one. I picked out 3 possibilities to start and had our young lady go into the fitting room to try one on and then call me. The first one was done up to the loosest size leaving enough room for another person and twisted on an angle so only one breast was contained. Lessons on how to wear a bra....something she has been doing for 8 years and then time to try on the next one. This time the bottom band was tight but it was across the breasts making it appear that she now had four boobs. More lessons and the process continued for 2 long excurciating hours. The younger sister that came with us was laughing and rolling her eyes discretely, so her sister didn't notice. The sales clerk kept asking if we needed assistance, explaining they have dealt with customers with similar challenges but I do think we may have been their entertainment also.
We finally escaped the bra store and we are still continuing with the lessons on how to wear the new items. We have been trying to have her dress in front of a mirror and hopefully observing how things look. She has been given picture cues for how to wear a bra and we go through the steps daily (in front of the mirror) hopefully in the next 8 years this will be mastered. The fortunate part is we haven't had any wardrobe malfunctions since the purchase of the new undergarments and no scares to the siblings.
Sunday, 2 August 2015
Are you speaking a different language?
Have you ever been somewhere that everyone speaks a different language? What if you could speak the language but you didn't know what you were saying? What if you said things that got you into trouble? How could you get yourself out of trouble if you didn't know what you said?
This is a common problem for people with "social skill challenges" and for one of my daughters it is a huge issue. My daughter is an extremely attractive, charming, naive young lady who does not present, on the surface like she has any special needs, yet the special needs she does have are getting her into serious trouble.
When hanging out with friends, in groups with peers, watching tv or movies people say things and everybody laughs. This is one way we learn what kind of reaction we will get when we say something, and then we typically judge whether or not it's something to be said in other situations. People also use slang phrases or idioms that can mean something completely different than what is being said. For a lot of people with social challenges they take things very literal and may not understand what is being implied in many circumstances. My daughter will hear a phrase or joke and then repeat it in another situation because when she originally heard it said everyone laughed, so it must be funny. Too many times she will say something, in a family situation and we will need to take her into another room and tell her what she just said acutally means. In the family situation she is fortunate because we know her challenges and try to help her through these social blunders. In public, at school, at work or with peers people frequently don't realize that she doesn't understand what she says or hears and then they have differing views of her.
Most recently one of her olders sisters had to try and clear up a huge misunderstanding from something that was said. An adult gentleman from an organization our girls are involved in approached our adult daughter, obviously feeling very uneasing saying he needed to speak with her regarding something said by the younger daughter. This man felt our daughter had offered him sexual favours, in front of the entire class (which was a relief, keeping both parties safe but also extremely embarrassing for both) our daughter (after discussion) felt she had told a joke, ONLY A JOKE. We used this situation to educate the gentleman about her special needs and I am hoping others can learn that just because someone says something doesn't mean they know what they are saying.
Our daughter has been working on social skills her entire life and we will continue educating her while trying to keep her safe. Unfortuanetly with social skill challenges there isn't a list of, learn a,b and c and you will be fine. Social situations are ever changing and never ending which presents more opportunities for social blunders.
This is a common problem for people with "social skill challenges" and for one of my daughters it is a huge issue. My daughter is an extremely attractive, charming, naive young lady who does not present, on the surface like she has any special needs, yet the special needs she does have are getting her into serious trouble.
When hanging out with friends, in groups with peers, watching tv or movies people say things and everybody laughs. This is one way we learn what kind of reaction we will get when we say something, and then we typically judge whether or not it's something to be said in other situations. People also use slang phrases or idioms that can mean something completely different than what is being said. For a lot of people with social challenges they take things very literal and may not understand what is being implied in many circumstances. My daughter will hear a phrase or joke and then repeat it in another situation because when she originally heard it said everyone laughed, so it must be funny. Too many times she will say something, in a family situation and we will need to take her into another room and tell her what she just said acutally means. In the family situation she is fortunate because we know her challenges and try to help her through these social blunders. In public, at school, at work or with peers people frequently don't realize that she doesn't understand what she says or hears and then they have differing views of her.
Most recently one of her olders sisters had to try and clear up a huge misunderstanding from something that was said. An adult gentleman from an organization our girls are involved in approached our adult daughter, obviously feeling very uneasing saying he needed to speak with her regarding something said by the younger daughter. This man felt our daughter had offered him sexual favours, in front of the entire class (which was a relief, keeping both parties safe but also extremely embarrassing for both) our daughter (after discussion) felt she had told a joke, ONLY A JOKE. We used this situation to educate the gentleman about her special needs and I am hoping others can learn that just because someone says something doesn't mean they know what they are saying.
Our daughter has been working on social skills her entire life and we will continue educating her while trying to keep her safe. Unfortuanetly with social skill challenges there isn't a list of, learn a,b and c and you will be fine. Social situations are ever changing and never ending which presents more opportunities for social blunders.
Tuesday, 28 July 2015
It is finally up and running!
The swimming pool is finally up and full of water, it has seemed like a never ending process since taking the pool down last year for our house renovations. When we took the 20 year old above ground pool down last year we noticed rust at the bottom of the pool preventing it from being reinstalled. Having had a pool for the last 20 years has been a huge benefit to our family so we decided to replace it. We were fortunate enough to find a new pool on clearance at the end of last summer that was much larger than the previous pool. The new pool being much larger wouldn't fit in the same location which meant moving our playground and all the pea gravel and prepping the ground for the pool. Thankfully one of our sons took it upon himself to move the entire dump truck load of sand and prep the area for the pool. Setting up the pool did not go quite as planned, my husband has set up a few round pools and felt the oval pool would be similar, IT'S NOT!! The first go around setting up the pool, at a critical part of the installation my husband was attacked by horseflies, in which part of his reaction was letting go of the pool walls and them falling. The second go around things just wouldn't line up and the third go around the walls were up. Following the directions for installing the pool liner resulted in the pool collapsing when we had water delivered. After googling liner installation it was determined the liner was to be installed a different way than described in the instructions. Not being able to get the liner tight enough and the mounting frustrations we decided to call in a "pool guy". For starters when you hire a "pool guy" they don't look like any pool guy you ever see on tv. Secondly although they did a wonderful job of getting our pool ready for water we feel they ripped us off terribly. They insisted on us paying cash, charging us $200 plus dollars per hour the only fortunate part is that it's up and the frustrations felt by everyone involved are resolved.
The pool has been providing wonderful therapy benefits for the children. The number one relief is the 7 kids with seizure disorders are able to cool down during the current heat wave limiting their seizures and we are able to closely monitor them while in the pool when it's just us. Going to the beach or a public pool with 7 kids experiencing seizures and 1 adult just isn't viable. One of our children with autism has been so engaged when in the pool, interacting and giving excellent eye contact that we have been working on her therapy homework/goals while in the pool and getting tremendous results. The children with mobility issues have been experiencing great freedom and mobility in the water. We have multiple balls and toys in the pool encouraging the children to reach for toys, kick or toss balls etc to build strength, enhance body awareness and increase their gross motor skills. I have read that water provides 30x more pressure on the body than air and we have noticed that it has a huge regulating benefits to our children with sensory issues.
The pool has been providing wonderful therapy benefits for the children. The number one relief is the 7 kids with seizure disorders are able to cool down during the current heat wave limiting their seizures and we are able to closely monitor them while in the pool when it's just us. Going to the beach or a public pool with 7 kids experiencing seizures and 1 adult just isn't viable. One of our children with autism has been so engaged when in the pool, interacting and giving excellent eye contact that we have been working on her therapy homework/goals while in the pool and getting tremendous results. The children with mobility issues have been experiencing great freedom and mobility in the water. We have multiple balls and toys in the pool encouraging the children to reach for toys, kick or toss balls etc to build strength, enhance body awareness and increase their gross motor skills. I have read that water provides 30x more pressure on the body than air and we have noticed that it has a huge regulating benefits to our children with sensory issues.
Sunday, 26 July 2015
Gotcha Day
This week we will be celebrating the anniversary of 3 of our adoptions, our "Gotcha days" the day we became family. It just so happens that this week seems to be the favoured week for adoption placements in our home.
Our first anniversary this week is from our first adoption and we are celebrating being a family for 14 years. These 2 adults are now 20 and 26 and doing a lot of reflecting and questioning what their life would be like if they hadn't been adopted. Both children gave us "thank you" cards, to our surprise, thanking us for everyting we have done for them. It was extremely sweet and humbling that they would do this. We are the lucky ones having the opportunity to raise them into their adult years. When these 2 were placed with us the professionals that worked with them stated that they would never progress, that they would never have a thought of their own, they would only parrot words, that their challenges were so extreme they had maxed out on their abilities. Anyone considering adoption I encourage you to listen to the professionals but don't take their word as the gospel. These two have become so much more than what was expected. The oldest lives semi independently, works part time, graduated high school, has an amazing sense of humour, is so loving, caring and protective. In fact sometimes it feels like I have personal body guards between my 26 and 19 year old sons. The 20 year old has also grown into a beautiful individual, she is extremely social, loves attending her day programs and S
pecial Olympics, and is very helpful around the home. Both still have their challenges but are so much more than the children that were proposed to us.
Our second anniversary this week was for 4 children from our sibling group of 7, and we are celebrating them being family for 6 years. These children arrived at 1,3,4 and 5 years of age and all were functioning extremely delayed. When they arrived many of our friends thought we were nuts (that's still to be determined) because it was like we had added 3 infants and a toddler to our family of 13. It has been a non stop ride with these children and the progress they have made is wonderful to observe.
Our third adoption anniversary this week we are celebrating 11 years for our 16 and 19 year old. These 2 were quite the characters when we ment them, in fact both had been banned from the social workers office because of their extreme behaviours which gives both of them a good laugh now. They are both working towards high school graduation and looking like this is a viable option (one taking a little longer than the other), in their various activities they are frequently recognized for their citizenship, hard work and effort and at home they are a joy to be around.
For all these anniversaries we didn't do anything special. We do use the anniversary as a discussion starting point making sure the kids, especially the younger ones, remember their story and how we became a family. This story is discussed year round but the anniversary is a good reinforcer. Do you celebrat your adoption anniversary? What do you do?
Our first anniversary this week is from our first adoption and we are celebrating being a family for 14 years. These 2 adults are now 20 and 26 and doing a lot of reflecting and questioning what their life would be like if they hadn't been adopted. Both children gave us "thank you" cards, to our surprise, thanking us for everyting we have done for them. It was extremely sweet and humbling that they would do this. We are the lucky ones having the opportunity to raise them into their adult years. When these 2 were placed with us the professionals that worked with them stated that they would never progress, that they would never have a thought of their own, they would only parrot words, that their challenges were so extreme they had maxed out on their abilities. Anyone considering adoption I encourage you to listen to the professionals but don't take their word as the gospel. These two have become so much more than what was expected. The oldest lives semi independently, works part time, graduated high school, has an amazing sense of humour, is so loving, caring and protective. In fact sometimes it feels like I have personal body guards between my 26 and 19 year old sons. The 20 year old has also grown into a beautiful individual, she is extremely social, loves attending her day programs and S
Our second anniversary this week was for 4 children from our sibling group of 7, and we are celebrating them being family for 6 years. These children arrived at 1,3,4 and 5 years of age and all were functioning extremely delayed. When they arrived many of our friends thought we were nuts (that's still to be determined) because it was like we had added 3 infants and a toddler to our family of 13. It has been a non stop ride with these children and the progress they have made is wonderful to observe.
Our third adoption anniversary this week we are celebrating 11 years for our 16 and 19 year old. These 2 were quite the characters when we ment them, in fact both had been banned from the social workers office because of their extreme behaviours which gives both of them a good laugh now. They are both working towards high school graduation and looking like this is a viable option (one taking a little longer than the other), in their various activities they are frequently recognized for their citizenship, hard work and effort and at home they are a joy to be around.
For all these anniversaries we didn't do anything special. We do use the anniversary as a discussion starting point making sure the kids, especially the younger ones, remember their story and how we became a family. This story is discussed year round but the anniversary is a good reinforcer. Do you celebrat your adoption anniversary? What do you do?
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